Sleeping With A Virgin Doesn’t Appeal To Me!

                       I’ve been seeing a guy for the last few months and though he seemed interested in the relationship, he didn’t make a move on me sexually. I’ve tried everything- kissing him deeply, snuggling up to him whenever I could and generally letting him know I was ready for sex, but he just didn’t respond.
I thought he was just shy or may be a bit inexperienced, so I took matters into my own hands and unzipped his trousers, intending to give him enough stimulation to make him want sex. I couldn’t believe it when he jumped up in horror, made a silly excuse and left.


You can imagine how upset I was. But he called the next day and said he wanted to talk, and then told me he’d never had sex in his life. At 28?
I asked him why and he said it just turned out that way. I asked for details but he wasn’t prepared to tell me more, saying he was too embarrassed about it. He, however, expressed the wish to have sex with me but I’m really freaked out by the idea. He’s a nice looking chap and I find it really odd that for a man living and working in Lagos, sex hasn’t featured in his life.
Sleeping with a virgin doesn’t appeal to me and I don’t know how to handle this.

Khafilat, by e-mail.

Dear Khafilat,
It might be unusual for a man not to have had sex by that age, but it’s not as uncommon as you think. In most cases, it is not deliberate and he just misses the opportunity when everyone else around was experimenting.

It could be his early girlfriends were less keen on having sex and maybe he wasn’t sure what to do, so didn’t even try. He could also be shy or he didn’t find it easy to get a girlfriend until now.

It is common for men like him to avoid making any sexual advances for fear of embarrassing themselves. And with his mates bragging all the time about their ‘conquest’ he might not want to confide in his friends.

Being a 28-year-old virgin could be really embarrassing and it was brave of him to tell you his secret as he clearly trusts you and likes you a lot to do so. It is alright to feel a little freaked out, but you need to show a little sensibility here.

Even if you don’t feel like ‘deflowering’ him, at least do him the favour of dealing with this diplomatically as he’s likely to be very sensitive to any negative reaction.

But do you want a relationship with him? If you don’t, you need to exit tactfully and kindly so he’s not left feeling like a freak.

If you like him and his lack of experience is the only thing putting you off, then you need to turn your thinking around and be the first to introduce your man to pleasures. He’s bound to cherish the experien-ce for the rest of his life!